Folie à deux

Superlative nonsenses from Agony regulars

Thanks for all the fish: an illustration from the March 19th 1883 edition of Punch by Sir John Tenniel, best known for his illustrations of Lewis Carroll’s Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, which was first published on this day in 1865.

Two Observations and a Fantasia

The way a bird’s whole body will accordion fatly just to drop a thimbleful of watery ordure.

The cowed look of a person risen from a swimming pool into the breezy day to patter toddler-like across the pavers.

A gentleman in Atlantic transit via dirigible who, taking a wrong turn through an unmarked door, finds himself ejected into weightless void, ashplant in hand, bowler on head, clenched teeth bared and eyeballs distended and temples rope-veined with fear and startlement, mantis limbs pinwheeling, the sea a gargantuan sheet of burnished steel far below.

Glen Smith

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Yangtze River Dolphin

If you’re joining us just now,
If you have just woken up,
We have reason to believe
Last night you had a beautiful dream.
It featured an aquatic creature
With a tremendously long mouth.
Everybody had that dream,
Everybody, everywhere.
In Fiji and New Zealand,
Where they’ve been awake for hours,
Early reports would indicate it was
A Yangtze River Dolphin.
The goddess of the Yangtze River,
That’s what it’s called in China.
No word from China yet and
We will let you know when they wake up.
If you had a different dream last night,
We’d love to hear from you.
Please call the number on your screen
If you did not meet the dolphin.
Shortly, we’ll be speaking to
Our resident sleep expert
And every marine biologist
We are able to get our hands on.
But a warning now, some of the pictures
We’re about to show you are distressing.
This is just some of the footage
Coming out of North and South America.
Millions of people there
Have heard about the dream oncoming
And taken to the streets.
They are refusing to go to sleep.
Cafés are being looted
And aquariums smashed in.
They’re going to feel quite silly
When the beautiful dolphin dream begins.

James Donald Forbes McCann